Not thinking about you
by paranoid woman
Summary: NOW COMPLETE! This takes place during chapters 16, 17 and 18 of The Connections Series. David tries to help Amita to understand what Charlie and Colby feel for each other. This started as a love story and ended up being everything but that. R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** "Not thinking about you", Part 1/5

**Characters:** David/OMC, David/Amita, mention of Charlie/Colby  
**Rating:** M  
**Spoilers:** None.  
**Summary:** David uses a personal experience from his past to try to make Amita understand what Charlie and Colby feel for each other.

**Feedback:** Yes, I love it! Please, READ & REVIEW.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Numb3rs or anything related to it, but I do own the ideas used in this fic and my OMC.  
**Beta:**_Thanks to my lovely beta._

_**Author's note:**_ _This happens during chapter 16, 17 and 18 of The Connections Series. There're references to my fic "I'll show you what's smooth"__**.**_

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"**NOT THINKING ABOUT YOU" - Part 1/5**

Even if she kept saying that she was ok, Amita seemed to be devastated. She kept running her fingers through her dark hair, trembling like a scared little animal and covering her chest with her hands like she was afraid that something else might happen to her.

As he walked towards the ambulance she was in, David thought that she had every right to act like that. First, she had been kidnapped by a crazy ex-boyfriend who was absolutely obsessed with her. Then, when she had returned home, she had to deal with the fact that the man who had saved her, her lover Dr. Charles Eppes, had found understanding and affection in the arms of Colby Granger. And finally, Amita had been forced to submit to psychological and physical torture in front of the people she cared about the most.

To some extent, David knew that he could relate to the sad, broken woman he was seeing. Some early years of David's life appeared inside his head like some kind of old movie that wasn't meant to be played anymore. He avoided thinking about the old days all the time, but the memories seemed to be determined not to leave this time.

There was someone who had inhabited his thoughts for years, and he thought he had managed to close that chapter. An old friend, a neighbor, a guy who had been always kind to him. His name was Daniel, and David had lost his company a long time ago.

He used to meet Daniel to hang out in the afternoons and talk until the sun was up high in the sky the next morning. And every time David went to sleep, all he could think about was Daniel's smile, Daniel's fresh point of view, Daniel's soft laugh when he said something funny.

The most vivid memory David had about that time was about the day he had confessed to Daniel what he felt for him. David cared about him as a brother and a friend, and he deeply loved him as a man. The attraction had been growing inside David's heart for a year, and he had finally dared to say it out loud.

It had been on an April afternoon, after they had done their homework together. David had decided to walk Daniel home so they could talk a little more, and his friend was glowing so beautifully every time a joke came up that David couldn't hold himself anymore. He was supposed to keep his feelings about Daniel to himself and never say a word. How could a white, blonde guy like Daniel be into another boy?

And yet, David took a chance and decided to put a hand on Daniel's shoulder. Daniel looked confused and he waited for his friend to say what he wanted. With warm eyes, David swallowed hard, and trembling he muttered, "Daniel… I… _like_ you."

It seemed to take a moment for Daniel to realize what David had really meant. And then Daniel had looked at David in complete shock.

Every time the memory got to that part, David felt the need to stop thinking about it. Doing it was pointless and a horrible way to make himself suffer. Because after all, Daniel had yelled a firm "No!" and ran away from him in the middle of the empty street.

After that, David hadn't dared to talk to Daniel again, and Daniel had never approached him to ask him about anything, not even to say "hello". It had taken months for David to recover from the relationship that had never existed but that he had hoped to have someday for so long.

But he was still a teenager then. He and Daniel were only eighteen. Thanks to the progress of life itself, they separated soon and never saw each other again. And even if David missed Daniel a lot, he thanked heaven that he didn't have to see him and feel embarrassed because of his feelings anymore.

Now, almost fifteen years later, David's soul ached every time he thought about Daniel. But even if it hurt, he sometimes tried to use his experience for good. For example, he had linked it to Colby's love for Charlie on Thursday night. He had listened to Colby talk about his fears and his hopes. David had also seen tears in Colby's eyes and that had reminded him of the nights he had spent by himself secretly crying because of Daniel.

He was so pissed off at Charlie because the mathematician didn't even seem to be able to tell Colby that he wasn't willing to give him a chance. If Charlie didn't feel the same, then why the hell he didn't just say it? That would make Colby try to get over him and live a normal life again.

David tried to calm down as he got closer and closer to Amita, who was surrounded by Larry and Megan. He made an effort to make his mind embrace the idea that if the memories of Daniel had come to him in this very moment, maybe it was because he was supposed to help someone to understand what loving another man meant.

He hoped that Amita would be willing to listen to him, and that she wouldn't be mad at him because he was Colby's friend. However, that didn't seem to be the way things were going to go. There were people talking everywhere, curious neighbors coming up with theories about what had really happened; EMTs badaging Don's wound and telling him to go to the hospital, and Don insisting he was fine if they would just get the bullet out; agents gathering data from the crime scene. With all that chaos, which was indeed making Amita more nervous, there was a good chance that she would respond negatively to David's approach.

However, even if the scenario didn't look good, David managed to get to the ambulance. There, he made a silent signal to Larry and Megan, asking them to leave him and Amita alone. They looked a little worried about the potential conversation that could come up there, but still, Megan excused herself and went to talk to Don, while Larry announced that he needed to find some peace at the monastery for a few hours.

When Megan and Larry were not around anymore, David sat down at the entrance of the ambulance beside Amita and prepared himself to speak his mind. He had to find the right words to express himself in order to avoid Amita from leaving before he had said everything he needed to say.

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_**A/N: PLEASE READ AND REVIEW, 'CAUSE FEEDBACK IS LOVE. I'll try to respond all your comments because I really appreciate that you take the time to submit them. And if you comment, I will keep writing. :)**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** "Not thinking about you", Part 2/5

**Characters:** David/OMC, David/Amita, Don, mention of Charlie/Colby.  
**Rating:** M  
**Spoilers:** None.  
**Summary:** David tries to help Amita but she seems not to want to talk to him.

**Feedback:** Yes, I love it! Please, READ & REVIEW.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Numb3rs or anything related to it, but I do own the ideas used in this fic and my OMC.  
**Beta:**_Thanks to my lovely beta._

_**Author's note:**_ _This happens during chapter 16, 17 and 18 of The Connections Series. There're references to my fic "I'll show you what's smooth"__**.**_

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"**NOT THINKING ABOUT YOU" - Part 2/5**

When Amita was left alone with David, she covered her face with her palms. "Please, don't ask me if I'm ok, I'm tired of it."

David had to admit that it could be annoying to have people always asking the same thing, but he also thought that it was important for everyone to know Amita was fine as she was a beloved person. "Ok, I won't ask you that. Can I stay with you for a while?"

She nodded and David sat down at the entrance of the ambulance. He leaned forward and watched people talking and agents working around the house. And then he said, "I know about Charlie and Colby."

Amita stared at David, but then she seemed to realize that there was a chance that Colby had told him about Charlie and him. "I see," she muttered, and her voice broke at the end of those two words. "Oh my god, this is so embarrassing…"

"Why? It was not your fault, Amita. It just happened."

"Really? I didn't have anything to do with it? Ok, David, whatever you say."

It was odd to see Amita being wrong about someone, even if it was only a little wrong. David didn't feel offended by her tone of voice because he understood what she was going through. He spent the next moments in silence, and then he continued, "Look, you're right. I don't know if something happened between you and Charlie that made him change his mind. But I know what Charlie and Colby feel." David thought about what he had just said and then he corrected himself, "Ok, maybe I don't know so much about Charlie."

"What do you mean?" Amita wanted to know, and her eyes were wide open, like she kept the hope that Charlie had just been confused and that he would realize that she was the person he wanted to be with.

"I don't know… It seems to me that Charlie is not sure about whether he wants to be with Colby or not."

"Oh…" She smiled a little, but then, suddenly, her eyes went dark. "But they slept together, didn't they?" Amita remember very well what her kidnapper, Patrick Garner, had said before he died.

David didn't want to talk about that. "I'm not the one to tell you that." He wasn't going to start telling Amita about the passionate night Charlie and Colby had had.

She covered her face with her hands again, and David heard her take a deep breath. "So they did sleep together," she assumed.

Again, David didn't say a word for a few seconds. He waited for Amita to recover from the images she had to be seeing inside her head. When she finally let him see her face, she was definitely holding back her tears.

"Amita, you have to understand that these things happen all the time…"

"Yeah. It's totally normal that your boyfriend falls for another man, who works with you and seems perfectly straight," she muttered. "How did you do it?"

"Do what?" David hadn't understood her question.

"How did you just accept that your best friend is gay?"

It was a good question. David swallowed and he decided to tell her the truth. "I fell for someone a long time ago."

She stared at him with her mouth hanging open, her eyes full of tears now. "What?"

David shrugged and said, "I wasn't expecting it, but my feelings for that person grew even if there was no reason for it. I think that's what happened to Charlie and Colby when you weren't around."

Amita seemed to be completely annoyed, and she ran her trembling hands through her hair. "David, why are you here?"

"Look, I wanted to let you know that this, falling for someone when you least expect it, is normal. Colby and Charlie are not going to give you any explanations if they decide to try and have a relationship, but I thought I could tell you about my experience so you could understand them a little bit and not feel so frustrated."

"Sure, like I'm going to feel all better now after you told me you prefer men over women too." Amita deadpanned.

"I'm not gay."

"Ok, bisexual, whatever." Amita her head and smiled sadly. "You know? I don't want to talk anymore."

She was about to leave when Don approached them to tell them that they had to go to the FBI to make some statements about what had happened in the house. Amita nodded; she got up and left Don and David alone.

"She must be feeling so terrible right now," Don said, while he watched her go.

"And my presence here is not helping her," David muttered with an ironic tone in his voice. He had tried to help Amita by using his experience, and it all had come down the wrong way, just like he had expected.

"Why do you say that?" Don asked him, because obviously he hadn't understood David. He looked worried and puzzled.

It was funny that Don didn't know anything about Charlie and Colby yet. Suddenly, David smiled and ironically he muttered, "There's no reason, Don. No reason at all."

Luckily, David saw Colby get into a car, and he joined him. It was heart-breaking to see the tears in his eyes, so David tried to give him some advice and help him to relax. He managed to make Colby tell him about his fears, and when they got to the FBI, he felt like he wanted to yell to Charlie for messing around with his friend. When Charlie made his usual speech about something related to math, David wasn't really thinking about the equations. He was thinking about how much he wanted to be able to reach for the mathematician and shake the confusion out of him.

He actually talked to Charlie when they got to be alone at the office. He defended Colby with all his heart, and when the conversation was over, he still thought that Charlie needed to make up his mind and stop hurting the one who loved him.

It was ten o'clock in the morning when he got out of the FBI. He needed some fresh air, and he spent some minutes just watching the sky. So many things were wrong at the moment. Charlie and Colby. Don and Alan not knowing about them. Amita suffering for her maniacal ex-boyfriend and the love of her life loving another man.

He decided that he would go home and rest for a while. David walked towards his car, and when he was about to get into it, someone appeared beside the door.

"David, could you take me home?"

It was Amita who had said that. She was right there in front of him, offering a truce.

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_**A/N: PLEASE READ AND REVIEW, 'CAUSE FEEDBACK IS LOVE. I'll try to respond all your comments because I really appreciate that you take the time to submit them. And if you comment, I will keep writing. :)**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** "Not thinking about you", Part 3/5

**Characters:** David/OMC, David/Amita, OMC.  
**Rating:** M  
**Spoilers:** None.  
**Summary:** Amita remembers some horrible experiences from her past.

**Feedback:** Yes, I love it! Please, READ & REVIEW.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Numb3rs or anything related to it, but I do own the ideas used in this fic and my OMCs.  
**Beta:**_Thanks to my lovely beta._

_**Author's note:**_ _This happens during chapter 16, 17 and 18 of The Connections Series. There're references to my fic "I'll show you what's smooth"__**.**_

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"**NOT THINKING ABOUT YOU" - Part 3/5**

_Why the hell did David come to talk to me about his personal experiences? Why did he think that it would make me feel better?_ Amita couldn't stop thinking about it. _There's no reason for him to tell me all that. _

When things like these happened, Amita always had the feeling that the world was trying to crush her. The last months had broken her dreams forever. There was no hope for her anymore.

She hated the fact that she had to go to the FBI to make a damn statement. Why couldn't people leave her alone? She had to ask Larry and Megan to take her with them to the FBI because she didn't want to share the car with Colby, Charlie or David. She felt relieved when Larry and Megan accepted her company. They were very nice to her during the trip. The physicist started to talk about how much he needed to go to the monastery to keep his balance right before his mind absorbed the energy of the violence he had witnessed that day. The conversation that came up between him and Megan was so cute and calming that it made Amita think for a moment that she would be able to find someone who loved her again someday.

Nevertheless, that day wasn't today. There were lots of things Amita had to deal with before that special person had the chance to come into her life. She knew that, so she tried to relax listening to Megan and Larry's talk. She lay on the backseat watching other vehicles pass by theirs, and when she got to the FBI, she was feeling a little better.

That was until Charlie started his little speech. He was as confident as ever, and his arguments were as good as always, but it was the silence of the rest of the people who were there what was making Amita upset. No one said anything at all. She wondered why that could be, and the only response she could find was that everybody knew what was going on between Charlie and Colby.

_Charlie and Colby. Colby and Charlie. _She repeated both names inside her head over and over, trying to get used to them. It felt as if her heart fell to pieces over and over again every time she heard that sentence. And suddenly, the memories about what she had been through, with both Patrick Garner and Charlie, came to her mind.

She remembered the moment Patrick had appeared in her life, the soft tone of his voice, the sweet words he used to speak to her. And she also remembered how fast all of that had turned out to be the biggest lie ever.

Because after they had gone to live together, Patrick had turned out to be a very violent, insensitive man who treated her like he had all power over her. He used to call her "slave," and when she asked him not to, Patrick simply slapped her hard. The fact that she faced him seemed to turned him on. He was definitely a sadistic person.

It had taken all of her courage to stand up to the man and leave him. Patrick had accepted it very well, especially considering that he had thrown an ashtray at her when she had left the apartment they used to live in.

"Fine, do what you want, _bitch_!" Patrick had yelled at her, and he had pushed her out the door with all her stuff. "You'll never find someone as good as me, you'll see. You'll come crawling, begging me to take you back," he had warned her.

Of course, that had never happened. Amita had never spoken to him again, and she had actually avoided him for years. In the meantime, she had had several fights with her family because of the terrible boyfriend she had chosen. His father especially was really mad that she hadn't told them about Patrick's behavior.

"How could you not let us know, Amita? That man was insane, he hit you, and you just took it all without complaining?"

"I did complain, I'm not an idiot, Dad! That's why I left him!"

"You're going back to India with us right now."

His father was crazy. Amita wasn't going to leave college and a career she loved so much. "No."

"What did you just say?"

"I said that I'm not going anywhere. I'm twenty-one, I can do whatever I want. I'm a free citizen in this country, and there's nothing you can do about it."

This kind of fights had taken place in Amita's new apartment, the one she had been renting thanks to temporary jobs like the one she had at the GAP those days. She and her parents just couldn't stop arguing every time they got together, and little by little their relationship went cold. It came a moment when they started to not see each other anymore unless it was absolutely necessary.

After those horrible problems, Amita had devoted herself to her career. She had let math take over her head and her life, and that had been the moment she had gotten to meet Charlie. He had been the most amazing person she had ever known. They shared the same passion for algorithms and theories, and they were really good working together.

When they were allowed to have a date, things hadn't gone well at the beginning. Charlie had turned out not to be the most romantic person ever, and he was actually a little awkward when it came to share his feelings. However, he was way better than Patrick and that and Charlie's sweetness had provoked Amita to fall for him like she had never done before.

Their relationship had finally started after months of going back and forth, and it had seemed to be the greatest thing Amita had experienced in her entire life. Even if Charlie was a little shy, and sometimes too focused on his work, she knew that she was getting to love him.

And just when she had discovered that she was really into him, that the man had won a very special place in her heart… just when she had dared to call her parents and tell them that she had found _the_ one… everything had changed.

Patrick Garner had suddenly appeared at CalSci one night when she was going back to her apartment, and he had kidnapped her. The bastard had taken Amita to a motel and tortured her in almost every way he could.

"You know? I bet the guy is gay. Have you seen him? So fragile, so focused on his theories?" Patrick had told her, while he ran his knife over her chest.

"So what? I love him just as he is," Amita had responded. She was tied to the wall by some really strong chains.

"Really? Mmm… Interesting. But you'll love _me_ more, slave of mine. I swear I'll make you love me. You'll learn to love the pain, even if you don't want to now."

Every time he made that promise, Patrick used another chain to hit her body over and over. Amita cried and whimpered and screamed because of the pain, and she had to stand the fact to see herself bleed until her wounds healed by themselves, because Patrick never bandaged them. But he had never raped her either.

One day, Amita heard Patrick make a phone call to the Saint Fate Motel to ask for a room. It was obvious that he was going to take her there to lose the FBI. That same night, she had taken a pen from the nightstand next to the bed Patrick was sleeping, and she had written a code on the wall. A code based on "The Attraction Equation", a code that only Charlie would be able to understand, if he and Don would find a way to get to the motel.

It had been an amazing idea. Hope had come to Amita again when Don and the rest of the team had suddenly appeared at the Saint Fate Motel to take her home. And it was even better when Charlie came to the hospital to see her and spend some time with her trying to make her feel safe.

And then, it had been Charlie's dream. The one that had made him mumble when he was asleep that he liked Colby. Amita had heard him and since them, the little cruel words of Patrick Garner started to torment her again, even if the man was in jail now.

She couldn't take it anymore when Charlie and Colby had been flirting at the office right in front of her. She had enough with the nightmares which included Charlie and Colby kissing, and her parents telling her that she had made even a worse choice than the one related to Patrick. So Amita had to step aside and let Charlie be before she went crazy knowing that he really didn't want to be with her. She whished Charlie the best and decided that she should go back to India. After all, their relationship wasn't going anywhere. It was a complete lie. Luckily, Amita hadn't told her parents that she was dreaming about marrying Charlie. She had only told them that he was her boyfriend and that they worked together.

It was all arranged. She wouldn't have to see Charlie anymore, she would have time to recover from the break-up and find a way to smile again. Maybe if she got away from CalSci and spend some time in a place that connected her to her childhood, she could find her balance again.

And then Patrick appeared again in her life. _Why couldn't he just leave me alone? Why couldn't he just find someone else to torture? _Those were the questions she made to herself when Don came to pick her up at the airport and insisted her to take her to his house. He wanted to make sure that Patrick wouldn't try to hurt her again now that he had escaped from jail.

Spending the night at Charlie's house, with Colby being there too, was a very stressful experience. She didn't know how to act; she didn't know what to say. When Alan had offered her a cup of tea and told her that he hoped her to visit him, Amita had asked Charlie to intervene and say something because she had no idea about how she should react without revealing his secret.

Watching Charlie and Colby get into a discussion because Colby was jealous of her was even worse. But the worst thing was the appearance of Patrick at the house. His words, the injuries he had provoked to her with his knife, the way he had tortured Charlie and Colby as well as her. She was thankful that David had put a bullet into the bastard's body. That man had caused too much trouble and he deserved to be gone.

But it was a shame that after taking down Patrick, David had tried to become some kind of friend of Amita by telling her about a man he had fallen for years ago. It had been a bad move, she had to admit.

Yet, that wasn't what had made Amita upset. The point was she had discovered that some of the people that she thought were completely straight were the opposite. Ok, David wasn't gay, he was bisexual. He had been with women before, and he would be in the future. But Amita could tell that if the guy David had loved appeared in his life again, he would turn down any woman who was interested in him.

Even if she had her eyes fix to the wall while Charlie talked about his analysis on Patrick's behavior, Amita sometimes looked at David. Maybe it was because she didn't want to focus on neither Charlie nor Colby. However, David seemed to be annoyed about something. He shook his head over and over, and he never said a word.

Which made Amita wonder. _Why would he still be bisexual, if that experience from his past was so terrible? It would have been more normal for him to stop being into men and just focus on women._ She started to think about the reasons why a man could somehow change his orientation because of getting to know someone and falling for him. Suddenly, Amita realized that she didn't have any response to that. She had never gone through that experience. She got confused, and her mind went blank.

And she started to believe that it wouldn't be such a bad idea to get David's advice in order to understand what a homosexual relationship meant. She thought about what he had said to her a few hours ago. "I thought I could tell you about my experience so you could understand them a little bit and not feel so frustrated." Obviously, that "them" David had mentioned referred to Charlie and Colby. Amita had no idea why David wanted to talk to her about it, but if she had the opportunity to learn about other perspectives on life, then maybe that would make her start to accept the fact that Charlie was gay and that she would never be the person to be with him.

The idea started to become an interesting one inside Amita's head, and after Charlie finished his explanation; she got out of the office and went to take her luggage. Don had taken it with him so she could take it home and rest for a while.

Half an hour later, Amita got out of the FBI building carrying her stuff. Then she saw David walking towards his car, preparing to leave. She felt the urge to talk to him, to ask him about his experience.

She walked towards David and it seemed that he wasn't aware of her presence. He just kept playing with his keys and then he opened the car's door.

When David had just got into the vehicle, Amita made her move. "David, could you take me home?" she asked, and she waited for an answer.

"What?" he muttered, because she had caught him by surprise.

"I asked you if you could take me home, please," Amita repeated.

David took his time to give her a response, and when he did, he only said, "Ok." He helped Amita to get her luggage into the trunk of the car and then he opened the door for her. She sat down on the passenger's seat and saw David getting into the driver's seat.

They remained in silence until they got to Amita's apartment. Sometimes David cleared his throat, meaning that he was uncomfortable and that he thought that the silence was awkward, but she didn't say anything. If she talked, it would be at her apartment._ It's the only place I feel safe right now._

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_**A/N: PLEASE READ AND REVIEW, 'CAUSE FEEDBACK IS LOVE. I'll try to respond all your comments because I really appreciate that you take the time to submit them. And if you comment, I will keep writing. :)**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** "Not thinking about you", Part 4/5

**Characters:** David/OMC, David/Amita, mention of Charlie/Colby, OMC-Patrick Garner, OMC-Daniel.  
**Rating:** M  
**Spoilers:** None.  
**Summary:** Amita is going crazy after all she's been through.

**Feedback:** Yes, I love it! Please, READ & REVIEW.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Numb3rs or anything related to it, but I do own the ideas used in this fic and my OMCs.  
**Beta:**_Thanks to my fantastic betas._

_**Author's note:**_ _This happens during chapter 16, 17 and 18 of The Connections Series. There're references to my fic "I'll show you what's smooth"__**.**_

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"**NOT THINKING ABOUT YOU" - Part 4/5**

Once David and Amita were at her apartment's door, she pulled out her keys from her bag and looked at David. He cleared his throat and muttered, "Um, I'll help you with this," pointing at Amita's suitcases.

She opened the door; he carried some of her luggage inside and left it by the little rustic couch she had in her tiny living room. The place was clean and peaceful, but it was slightly messy as there were books and papers everywhere. For a moment, David thought he was at Charlie's house. No wonder why he and Amita had gotten along so well. They had the same thought processes. Or at least they used to, until Colby had changed all that.

They hadn't talked on the way to the apartment. David had made several attempts to start a conversation, but every time he'd done it, Amita had said something that made the conversation come to an end very quickly. Then, silence had come between them again, and there had been nothing left to do but hope that the trip was short.

Still, David had no idea why Amita had asked him and not someone else to take her home. She had rejected his help earlier, and now they were together in her living room putting suitcases on the floor. They weren't pretending that nothing had happened between them, though. There was a weird tension and the atmosphere was a bit unpleasant. Maybe it was because of the fact that the lights were soft and that the colors of Amita's apartment were tones of oranges and ochre, and because of that peaceful coloring, David started to feel dizzy and drowsy. _I'm so tired. I can't even feel my body after everything that has happened._ The conversation he'd had with Colby on their way to the FBI had made him remember some of the most horrible moments of his life, and that hadn't exactly contributed to making him feel better.

They had talked about how terrible Colby felt because of knowing that Charlie was right about a lot of things. David's best friend had confessed him that even if he liked Charlie, he'd had to admit that dealing with people's reactions would be something very difficult and that maybe neither of them was prepared for that.

David had gone through that same emotion in his twenties. After a long time of keeping his pain to himself after Daniel had rejected him, his parents had ran into Daniels in a market near his house. At that time, Daniel had told them about what David felt for him. Daniel's parents had started a fight with David's because they had said that their son had been traumatized after what David had said. They had also told David's parents that Daniel would never come near their son again. They stated that David was a very sick person for trying to make their son Daniel sin against God by turning gay.

Of course, until that moment, David's parents had had no idea of what had happened between Daniel and him. They had wondered for a long time what had made the two friends stop seeing each other, because they had been the best of friends ever since the day they had met. Now they had gotten their answer. They had come home, thrown the bags with the food on the table and started to yell at their son. David had been just doing his homework at the table, and he had found himself being judged by the people he loved the most.

"David, why?" his mother had asked him. She had been almost crying, her hands had been shaking and she had been acting like she couldn't find the correct words to express her feelings.

David's father had been furious and he'd kept punching things when he approached them. "I can't believe this, I can't believe this…"

It all had happened so fast that David had just stared at them, feeling numb and empty. He hadn't expected his parents to get to know about what he felt for Daniel. His worst nightmare was at that moment taking place in front of his eyes, and he hadn't been able to react to it. He had swallowed his words, his pride and his pain and listened to his parents ranting in complete silence. He had suffered his father's insults and his mother's tears and he had never confronted them because in the bottom of his heart, David had known that they were right.

_A gay black boy with a white boyfriend. That's insane. _One part of his mind had thought that it was ok to feel attracted to someone of the same sex, and the other part had kept reminding him that the majority of the population judged same sex relationships and discriminated gay people even if they said they didn't.

After his parents had stopped ranting about how _wrong_ David was and that he should go to church and pray, he had locked himself up inside his room and spent the entire night crying. He had gotten enough already with Daniel not wanting to be his friend anymore, and now that his parents had shown so much disgust towards him, he'd felt like he had lost his freedom in every sense of the word.

The next months had been pure hell for David. His parents had observed his behavior every time a school student came to the house to work on a project. It was like they had been expecting David to jump on the boy without being able to control himself.

But as time passed by, things had started to change. It seemed that David's parents had started to think that his son had come to his senses again and that his gayness had been only a confused stage of a normal adolescence. Little by little, David had gained back his freedom and had begun to live a normal life again. He hadn't had to see Daniel because school was over. He had needed to focus on getting a proper job or getting into college. He'd had to figure out what to do with his life, and even if he'd cried sometimes at night when he dreamed about Daniel, he'd known he had the strength not to break again.

What was happening between Charlie and Colby had started to break him. He knew what Charlie was experiencing; it was pretty much what Daniel had felt. And he understood exactly how messed up Colby's head was at the moment. He had gone exactly through the same thing.

He had tried to help Colby, he had told him that everything was going to be ok if he gave it time. It was sad that he also knew that the memories of being rejected by someone you love were going to be in his mind for the rest of his life, so the only way to deal with them was taking things are they were and keep going.

All that confusion had made him want to help Amita to understand. He didn't want Colby to suffer the looks David's parents had given to him, and Amita seemed the most likely to judge Charlie and Colby in the worst possible way. Don probably would do the same, but Don didn't know yet. And David found himself wishing that Charlie wouldn't have to go through his family's rejection either.

"Please, have a seat, David," Amita suddenly told him, and that made David lose his train of thought. He sat down and accepted a glass of water that she had brought for him. He still didn't even know why Amita had taken him to her apartment after refusing to receive his help.

"I thought you didn't want to talk to me anymore," he managed to say, and he slowly drank some water.

Amita sat down by his side with a glass of water in her hand too. She stared at it and then she muttered, "Well, I changed my mind."

David nodded and kept quiet. He waited for Amita to start talking about what was bothering her and the reason why he was with her now.

Amita said, "I realized that I really need to know how a man can fall for another guy. I didn't expect that to happen at all and it's making me crazy to know that Charlie is replacing me for some other man."

"I noticed that when we talked."

Amita barely smiled, and she sipped her water. "So, what was your experience like?"

_So she is finally asking._ "Ok, if you really want to know…"

"I do," she assured David, nodding firmly.

In a few minutes, David summarized the story of Daniel and him, and when he was over, he felt a little better than before. He had let it all out, and it had been good. Or at least that's what he thought, because Amita's eyes were wide open and she was crying.

"Are you ok? Do you want me to get you some more water?" David asked her, and he put a hand on her shoulder and gently squeezed it.

"No, no. I'm fine."

"Just as fine as you told everyone outside Charlie's house today?" David had to ask, because it was obvious that Amita was broken.

"Yeah… kind of," she answered with irony in her voice. Then her tone became dark and weird. "But I still don't get it. You liked Daniel so much, and he didn't feel the same. He made you feel like crap and you never said anything to him. You just let it go."

"I was eighteen. I didn't know to handle that yet. And life took us separate ways, so I didn't have the chance to talk to him afterwards."

"Mmm." She seemed to be organizing her thoughts. "But you kept being into men. You never became completely straight, even if Daniel hurt you that much."

David shook his head. It was a good point. "I don't know… I guess that to some extent I'm still trying to change the past when it's not possible. I think Megan said something about it when we had a case. She said that there are lots of underlying meanings to everything we do, especially when our actions are related to experiences from the past."

"I see… So that means that I'll always remember Charlie in everything I do, even if I don't notice it. That's such good news." Amita's voice was dark and sad.

David understood very well what she was feeling. His own mind kept reminding him of Daniel when he had to deal with the Charlie and Colby situation, or when he had to deal with some doomed love story case.

Amita was starting to cry. There was nothing else that David could do but squeeze her shoulder again. He even took her in his arms when she curled against his chest looking for shelter. David had never been so close to her, but he really wanted to comfort her.

When Amita spoke, she did it very close to his face. "You pretended that those women you were with were actually Daniel, didn't you?"

The question left David speechless. He hadn't seen that one coming, but still he muttered, "Yeah, sometimes, I guess."

"For example, could you pretend that I'm him?"

"What?" _What the hell is she saying? Where the hell did that come from?_

"Please, David. I need… I need to feel that it's possible for me to get Charlie to like me. I don't care if he thinks of Colby when he kisses me or makes love to me, as long as he doesn't leave me for him. I couldn't take it."

_I can't believe she's saying this to me. That is just… sick._ "But you and Charlie broke up a few days ago."

"Maybe I still have a chance with him. Maybe I could convince him to…"

David cut her off. "Ok, I think you should juggle that thought around in your head, and if you still decide that you want another chance with him, then you should talk about it with Charlie, because I'm certainly not the best person to tell those things to."

"I told you about my fears, I shared my feelings with you. Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Yes, but I meant to help you, not to offer you get you into some kind of sick lie that doesn't make any sense."

"It makes sense to me!" she yelled, and she squeezed David's shoulders with such a power that it made him squirm beneath her. "It is what I need. I need to feel that someone will have me, even if I'm not the one they want. That's the only hope I have for getting Charlie back."

"You're not ok, Amita. Please, let me go, I don't want to hurt you," David asked her, because he didn't want to have to push her back.

"Then you'll have me, just to prove that I still can get Charlie back with me."

"No. Why are you acting like this? Patrick Garner has messed up with your head…"

Amita was completely furious, and she was crying a river. "_Leave Patrick out of this!_ He was the biggest mistake of my life, ok? He was an insane man that tortured me for days, who was obsessed enough with me to kidnap me and hurt me in front of everyone, and you know what? He _never_ raped me!"

David's eyes ran over Amita's face. "And that's bad how?"

"You don't see it, David? He was a masochist, but he didn't love me enough to take me when he had complete control over me! _Not even a lunatic wanted me!_"

_You are crazier than I ever thought you would be._ "What you're saying is crazy. Look, I won't say anything to anyone about it, but could we please calm down?"

"_Stop telling me to calm down!_" she yelled at him, and she slipped a hand to his side. She took David's gun from his waist and put the barrel of it against David's forehead. "Stop. Telling me. To calm. Down. Hands up."

David didn't say anything. He lifted his hands and swallowed. "You have never fired a gun."

"But I've seen you all use it." She clumsily deactivated the safety device of the gun and ran it over David's dark skin. Her hands were shaking and her fingers ran dangerously over the trigger.

And David started to sweat. He didn't have a clue about how he had gotten into this situation. And he had no idea about what he could do to control Amita before she did something that couldn't be repaired afterwards.

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_**A/N: PLEASE READ AND REVIEW, 'CAUSE FEEDBACK IS LOVE. I'll try to respond all your comments because I really appreciate that you take the time to submit them. And if you comment, I will keep writing. :)**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Title:** "Not thinking about you", Part 5/5

**Characters:** David/OMC, David/Amita, mention of Charlie/Colby, OMC-Patrick Garner, OMC-Daniel.  
**Rating:** **MA**  
**Spoilers:** None.  
**Summary:** Amita crosses the line with David.

**Feedback:** Yes, I love it! Please, READ & REVIEW.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Numb3rs or anything related to it, but I do own the ideas used in this fic and my OMCs.  
**Beta:**_Thanks to my lovely beta._

_**Author's note:**_ _This happens during chapter 16, 17 and 18 of The Connections Series. There're references to my fic "I'll show you what's smooth"__**.**_

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"**NOT THINKING ABOUT YOU" - Part 5/5**

Hearing David's story and how much he had suffered because of his old friend Daniel had broken Amita's heart. _So I'm the bad one here. I'm the one who doesn't understand. I'm like David's parents who judged him and made him cry all those nights. I'm doing that to Charlie and Colby…_But wasn't it freedom of speech and thought that could allow her to hate the idea of Charlie loving another?

She started to cry because she felt guilty. She heard David's voice asking her "Are you ok? Do you want me to get you some more water?" and she felt his hand on her shoulder.

"No, no. I'm fine," Amita had to say, because she didn't want to lose all control. Crying in front of David was enough already.

"Just as fine as you told everyone outside Charlie's house today?"

Feeling overwhelmed by having to answer to the same question over and over, Amita took a breath. "Yeah… kind of," she said although she hated it that everybody felt sorry for her. She wanted to forget about what happened as soon as possible, as to stop and think about her feelings right now, might cause her to do some seriously bodily harm to someone and David was the closest someone at the moment. However, David was just trying to be a good friend, and she had brought him with her to her apartment, so she couldn't reject his help now. In fact, she still was curious about a lot of things. "But I still don't get it. You liked Daniel so much, and he didn't feel the same. He made you feel like crap and you never said anything to him. You just let it go."

"I was eighteen. I didn't know to handle that yet. And life took us separate ways, so I didn't have the chance to talk to him afterwards."

"Mmm." Amita was not satisfied with David's response. _That's not an answer. I need you to explain everything to me._ _Every single feeling. _"But you kept being into men. You never became completely straight, even if Daniel hurt you that much."

"I don't know… I guess that to some extent I'm still trying to change the past when it's not possible. I think Megan said something about it when we had a case. She said that there are lots of underlying meanings to everything we do, especially when our actions are related to experiences from the past," David muttered, shaking his head.

_So I'll never be able to get over this. I'll never be able to leave this whole mess behind. And I thought I had enough with Patrick._ "I see… So that means that I'll always remember Charlie in everything I do, even if I don't notice it. That's such good news." Amita's voice was darker than before. _I'm the bad one, and I get to suffer forever because of it. _She started to cry again because she felt that there was no hope for her. She would have to carry her wounds for the rest of her life, knowing that she had been replaced by Colby. She wasn't as stupid to think that it would have been otherwise. Every memory, every feeling she had ever had, had been with her all of her life. Sometimes she even learned from it, but sometimes she wished it'd all just go away. Maybe in time that rotten feeling of betrayal, being replaced by a man and being tortured and abused by another might go away.

_What does Colby have that I don't? Why does Charlie prefer him over me? He doesn't even know him that well. They're just members of the same team. What could they have in common?_ Amita couldn't find a reason that satisfied her frustration and that made her feel that it all made sense at least a little bit. Love and lust worked in mysterious ways. Which was why she ended up with Patrick, and then with Charlie, and Charlie now with Colby.

Instinctively, she curled against David's body, and he gently put his arms around her. _What they did at Charlie's house was just lust. And even if Charlie is into Colby in some sick way, it could be temporary… _"You pretended that those women you were with were actually Daniel, didn't you?" she asked David.

It took him some seconds to answer to that. "Yeah, sometimes, I guess."

_Maybe… just maybe… _

"For example, could you pretend that I'm him?"

_If I'd treated you the way a man would, would that be enough for you? Would that make you love me and stop thinking about the guy you want? Could Charlie do the same, so we could get together again…?_

"What?" David muttered, his eyes wide open, his mouth curved, all of it forming an expression of perplexity.

"Please, David. I need… I need to feel that it's possible for me to get Charlie to like me. I don't care if he thinks of Colby when he kisses me or makes love to me, as long as he doesn't leave me for him. I couldn't take it." _It could be possible for him to have me anyway, couldn't it? _

"But you and Charlie broke up a few days ago."

"Maybe I still have a chance with him. Maybe I could convince him to…"

"Ok, I think you should juggle that thought around in your head, and if you still decide that you want another chance with him, and then you should talk about it with Charlie, because I'm certainly not the best person to tell those things to."

_You offered me your help and I accepted it. Now that's suddenly wrong? There're things you don't want me to talk about?_ _Or are there things that you simply don't have an answer to because you're not as smart as you look? Or are you afraid that I might hurt you?_ Amita was deeply confused. She had trusted David, brought him home and told him about what she had been thinking since she had discovered that Charlie was into Colby. "I told you about my fears, I shared my feelings with you. Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Yes, but I meant to help you, not to offer you get you into some kind of sick lie that doesn't make any sense," David stated.

"It makes sense to me!" Desperate, Amita squeezed David's shoulders using all the force she had. "It is what I need. I need to feel that someone will have me, even if I'm not the one they want. That's the only hope I have for getting Charlie back."

Who on earth would want someone who had made the worst boyfriend choices? Who on earth would want someone who had been left for another guy? Those questions made her realize she was probably never going to be loved by anyone again.

Amita could see that David had started to panic. "You're not ok, Amita. Please, let me go, I don't want to hurt you."

_If you don't want to hurt me… if you really want to help me… you'll do as I say._ "Then you'll have me, just to prove that I still can get Charlie back with me."

"No. Why are you acting like this? Patrick Garner has messed up with your head…"

_For gods' sake, forget about Patrick Garner, I know I want to)! This is worse than being tortured by him! I'm not even wanted as a woman. I'm not wanted by anyone! Am I really that ugly? Doesn't David just want to have sex? _She was about to lose control and she knew it, but she didn't really care, because David's words made her even angrier. "_Leave Patrick out of this!_ He was the biggest mistake of my life, ok? He was an insane man that tortured me for days, who was obsessed enough with me to kidnap me and hurt me in front of everyone, and you know what? He _never_ raped me!"

"And that's bad how?"

"Don't you see it, David? He was a masochist, but he didn't love me enough to take me when he had complete control over me! _Not even a lunatic wanted me!_"

"What you're saying is crazy. Look, I won't say anything to anyone about it, but could you please calm down?"

_No, no, no. I'm not supposed to take this calmly. No one could, after all that I've been through. I'm the horrible person who doesn't understand gay people, but I still have feelings. I can't be discarded just because of my gender. I won't be. _

"_Stop telling me to calm down!_" She took David's gun and said, "Stop. Telling me. To calm. Down. Hands up."

Very slowly, David lifted his hands. He seemed about to pass out. "You have never fired a gun."

"But I've seen you all use it." _Fine, I don't know much about guns. But Charlie used one to try to save Colby, didn't he? He didn't want to get me safe, oh no. He never reacted until Colby was in danger. He would have let Patrick kill me, he wouldn't have lifted a finger to help me. _Amita deactivated the safety device and held the barrel of the gun over David's forehead. She knew that she was trembling, but she also knew that she couldn't stand the situation anymore.

"Amita, please, stop. I'm sure you'll regret this later..." David tried to say, but Amita held the gun more firmly.

"I won't, trust me," Amita assured him. She was crying so much, she was so fragile, and yet she was perfectly able to force David to do anything she wanted at the moment. "Open your pants." If he wasn't going to do this voluntarily, then he would do it by force. She needed to feel loved by at least someone.

"What? _No_."

"_Do it!_" She squeezed the trigger a bit, and she saw a line of sweat starting to take form on David's forehead. She stared at it while he steadily started to open his fly. "You'll take me. You'll take me and you'll enjoy it, even if all you do is thinking about Daniel."

"Amita… please…" David asked her for the tenth time.

"Put your hands on your head, c'mon," she ordered. David did so, and then he tried to grab Amita's hands to make her drop the gun. But just when he was about to succeed, she pulled the trigger and shot a lamp that was behind him.

"_Damn it!_" David yelled, and sweat started to run down his face. He held his hands up, shaking from head to feet. Then Amita knew that after showing him that she could use a gun properly, he would not dare to try to stop her again. Again, she put the barrel of the gun against David's head.

She unbuttoned his pants herself and she slipped her hand inside his boxers. David jumped in his place and whimpered when she started to stroke him very roughly so he got hard. "Is this what you like about being with a man, David? Tell me, please, if this is feels so different than being with a woman, who could do it to you just the way you want…" She had absolute control of the situation, she was still crying. Amita felt her face burn and her lips were swollen. And she knew that she wanted to feel more. It was like her body and her mind were switching into overdrive, and it was a rush, plus it felt so good. Now she knew exactly what Patrick might have felt when he was forcing her to do things, torturing her… But she only wanted sex from David and honestly didn't want to hurt him.

"Stand still or I'll put the next bullet into your head," Amita said to David. Then she unbuttoned her jeans and rolled them down her legs. Then she did the same with her panties, and she threw both the jeans and the underwear to the floor.

"_What the hell are you doing?!_" David was freaking out, his eyes were wide open and he was frozen.

"Getting hope back…!"

Amita held the gun to David's crotch and forcing him so stand still, she released his cock. "I spent two years waiting for Charlie to chase me. And just when I thought that I had the one, just when I was starting to be sure that I didn't want to be with anyone else, he does this to me!" She guided David's cock inside her and then started to move. It was painful because of the lack of lube, but she didn't really care, in fact she enjoyed that it hurt.

Her heart was breaking and she was now holding the gun to David's head. Amita cried and made little noises while she was moving up and down David's cock. She could hear him breathe hard beneath her. She couldn't believe that he wasn't enjoying this. He just wasn't! _See? I'm not even worth it; he doesn't even want a quick fuck. Either I'm really taking this too far, or he thinks I'm ugly._ She knew she was going too far, but it still felt too good to let it go.

"Moan," she begged David, and when he didn't please her, she put her hand in his neck and moved her face close to his ear. "Moan, like I was Daniel… Think about him while we're together… It doesn't matter, as long as you take me…" She pressed the barrel of the gun hard against David's neck, and he started to moan, just like Amita had told him to. "Yes, that's it. That's it, David, c'mon," she cried, and she kissed his lips leaving them bruised. "Now scream my name while you think of him. Scream my name, please!"

And David did. After a few more of Amita's hard moves, he came inside her screaming her name. Amita smiled, still crying, and she collapsed on top of him, letting the gun fall from her hands.

It had all happened so fast. David immediately took the gun and separated from Amita. Very quickly, he stood up, lifted his pants and buttoned them. Then he stared at the twisted woman who had forced him to have sick sex with her. "You… you…" His voice was broken, meaning that he couldn't find any word to describe how terrified and worried he was.

"That's what I wanted, David… That's what I wanted," Amita muttered, not letting him see her face. She was slumped against the couch, her hair in a mess sprawled over it. She felt so embarrassed. There was no control. She had made a huge mistake.

And yet, Amita knew that she hadn't really found what she wanted. David had pleased her and screamed her name because she had forced him to do it by using a gun, not because he liked her. Now she would have to deal with the consequences, and try to survive knowing that Charlie would never be with her as long as he was interested in Colby.

She started to cry very softly, and heard the door of the apartment be opened and closed. When Amita turned her head, David wasn't there anymore. She was alone again, and she couldn't stand the pain.

The place was empty and there was no point to stay. It was probable that David would accuse her of rape after getting himself together. He would surely come back to claim his vengeance.

Given the circumstances, Amita had to react fast. The thought of everyone finding out what she had done made her panic when she realized of how horrible it had been. In a few minutes, she cleaned herself, organized her stuff, took her luggage and left the apartment.

On her way to the airport, Amita started to worry. She asked the cab she had taken to stop in front of a drugstore and she bought some morning after pills because David and she hadn't used a condom. When she got to the airport, she bought a bottle of water and swallowed the pills properly.

She bought a ticket for the next fight and then she sat on a chair. There was one thought inside her head that didn't want to leave. _What have I done? How could I?_

VVVVVV

David got out of Amita's apartment and ran to the elevator. There, he rested his back against the wall and waited. _How did this happen? How?_

Getting out of the building was very hard for David. He felt dizzy and terrified because of Amita's behavior. But he felt also guilty. _I was thinking about Daniel while I fucked her. That's just… sick._

There was something that David couldn't deny. In some way, he had enjoyed the rough, non-consensual sex he had had with Amita because she had forced him to think about Daniel. It was wrong, obviously; but he hadn't held himself back, and even if he had fought against the desire to let go, he simply had surrender to Amita's orders. A forceful Amita had been a turn-on somehow.

He spent an hour thinking about that in a park. There were no reasons for him to get into such a fucked up situation. But he had done it because the Charlie and Colby conflict had made him start losing his self-control as well as his perspective on things. T_his was probably the worst mistake of my life. I won't see Daniel again. Why did I need to find satisfaction in that way?_

Suddenly, he remembered that he hadn't used any protection. There might be consequences if he didn't act fast. Amita didn't seem to be very aware of anything when David had left the apartment, so he couldn't count on her to do what was needed in this kind of cases.

He went back to Amita's apartment and knocked on her door. While he waited, he found one of the old ladies who lived next door and asked them for her. The woman told David that she had seen Amita leave in a cab with luggage a few minutes ago. The lady also asked him if he had heard a noise that seemed to be a shot an hour ago.

"No… I didn't hear anything," David responded, and she left the woman behind him. He took his car, which was still parked at Amita's building, and drove to the airport. But he couldn't find Amita. He looked everywhere, but her plane had already left.

In fact, when he looked through one of the giant airport windows he saw a plane rise into the sky.

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**The end of "Not thinking about you"**

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_**A/N: PLEASE READ AND REVIEW, 'CAUSE FEEDBACK IS LOVE. I'll try to respond all your comments because I really appreciate that you take the time to submit them. And if you review, I will keep writing. :)**_


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